We just had our six month home study update for Silas. I can't believe it was already time for that! Our six month anniversary is not until later this month, but it is due before the actual date. It went well and we have the sweetest social worker. I'm wanting some opinions. She strongly was urging me to send Silas to daycare. At least several mornings a week or even several full days a week. Now, for those of you who use daycare and work full-time - please do not be offended! I just never would want to send my child to daycare. That's why I work one day a week and we have an in home sitter.
There is a daycare in town who deals specifically with hearing delayed kids. She thinks it would be great for him and me. I tried to express my feelings about daycare, but she stated he had special needs and it was different that my other children. This is true, he already receives two therapies and as of today we are going to be adding on occupational therapy to help with sensory issues he is having (praise the Lord! I think this is really going to help us). He could probably receive the therapies at daycare, but I just can't imagine sending him there when I'm at home!
It might decrease my stress level, but would increase the guilt level. He seems to regress when we have been apart, but he also is manipulating me. In some respects sending him makes since; due to his needs he requires a routine, and she said this particular daycare would begin a behavior management program with him. She feels like he needs to be with other kids and in a more structured setting. But I like being with my kids! So, what do you all think?
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Boy, that's certainly a tough one, Cara. As one with no choice, I've seen the good and bad. I hate that I have to leave her every day, and the past two mornings have been the first time in a long time we haven't been through fits as soon as I need to start getting her dressed to go. Now she's fine and happy while she's there, but I often pay for it before and after. I have no proof, but believe in my heart that much stems from me leaving her each day. We gain some ground on the weekends, then often slide back during the week again.
We certainly don't have the same SN issues to work with, so I can't comment on the necessity of that. I would agree that maybe a Mother's Day Out sort of program that's maybe 1 or 2 days a week for a few hours might be good to be around more children, though I know that's not the same as the program they say that daycare offers. Another thing I hate is when they tell me something new she's said, or something cute she does...and I've missed it. I have to hear about it secondhand. And my heart cries out that it isn't fair - a mother should be the one to experience these "firsts," not a daycare teacher.
In the end, I say you have to go with your heart; he's your son and I think you'll ultimately know what's best for him, even if you don't have an MSSW after your name. I'll be praying for your decision!
oh Cara-that is so hard. here's my advice -God's wisdom trumps Man's wisdom.
I realize this SW is just trying to help..and has Silas' best interest at heart, but if God has called you to be a stay-at-home mom (minus the few days you do actually work! :) ) -it is a calling regardless of the SN of your child(ren).
Like Jill, maybe something small like a Mother's Day out would be good for him. I go to the gym 3-4 mornings each week. At first, it wasn't pretty AT ALL leaving Miss E, but now she gets excited to go and walks right in, blowing me kisses. it's just 1 hour, but it's enough time away for her to learn to play with other kids, for me to have a sanity break :), and for her to learn to trust that I WILL come back for her.
Being that Miss E has the same issue as Silas, or very similar, I can tell you that some outside help would be nice sometimes...but I know her best -and so she has come quite far with me helping her sound out words and such. If you could get him the therapy appointments he needs, and be able to watch the sessions and continue them at home, I think that would be so much better than just having it done at daycare.
pray about it, like I'm sure you guys are doing, and God will certainly direct your steps.
remember, you can always turn around too. you could decide to put him in daycare, and then realize that wasn't the best choice and pull him out..or vice versa. no decision is permanent! :)
Cara, Southland has a Mother's Day Out Program. Madelynn went there and she loved it. Also, I would be glad to have Silas the days you work in Nicholasville. We have a great time, We go to the JCPL.We also have in my home, Silas's age: Music and Storytime, Crafts, we are VERY STRUCTURED! Just a idea to throw out at you, Silas's would be close to you if you wanted to come see him. Give your worries to our Heavely Father, he knows best. Philippines Chapters 1 thru 4 always helps me. Cara, you will be in my heart and prayers! Love, Sylvia
I'm sure your SW meant well, but Silas is your son and you know him best. After the holidays Chloe Grace will start preschool 2 days a week for just a few hours. We went to visit last week and she absolutely loved it! I think it's just the jump start educationally she needs to be ready to start kindergarten in the fall. Silas has quite a bit of time before starting kindergarten. If you aren't ready to send him, or if you don't think he's ready, then I would just do the therapies you're doing and re-evaluate when he's older.
Wow, Cara, what a tough decision. First of all, if you did decide to send him, it would by no means mean you were a bad mother or that you loved him any less. This is about his well-being and what is going to make him grow.
When Colin started his Moms Day Out program in August, I feared I had done the wrong thing. He didn't have to go, I just thought it would be nice for him to interact with other children and be around other grown-ups. Although the first couple of times were rough on all of us, he quickly adjusted and now loves it! More importantly than that is how much he's learned from the other children. He was the only one in his class that wasn't walking. Well all it took was one time of seeing all the other children walking and Colin wanted to follow suit. His vocabulary has also increased and his willingness to be around others has greatly improved. I honestly don't feel he would be at the stage he's at now if it weren't for this program.
Perhaps you could give it a trial run and see how both of you do. You are doing a fabulous job as a mother and don't ever forget that. Just do what's best for Silas. I know you'll do the right thing!
Hey Cara,
I can't give you any new advice than you have already heard. I would like to suggest along with everyone else-Mother's Day out. I know when I worked I didn't want Karissa to go to daycare either and so Mary watched her(we were very blessed) but she did regress because she went by 2 different rules (you could have that in any setting). I do know if I had to do over I would have put in her a program at least one day a week where she got to be with other kids-other than church. She had a hard time interacting with others because she is so quiet.
It will give you alittle peace too and you will more likely have more patience (not that I'm suggesting that you don't, I hope you know what I am trying to say.)
Good luck with your decision. I'll be praying for you.
Tracey
That's tough. I don't know what to tell you. I'd like to know what daycare she recommended, sounds like they are suited to meet his needs. Aren't you planning to send him to LE next fall 2 days a week? If it would be easier on you for his therapies to be done in 1 place and you'd like him to be around more children then that is a plus. Also, you have a tough job all day everyday. It might be good for you to have 2 mornings a week when he goes to Daycare. I'm like you though- I wouldn't want to send mine unless I had to. But if you think the pros for Silas outweigh your want to keep him home then I say go for it. Make a list of pros and cons. He's come so far in the short 6 months you've had him. He's going to keep making progress. Call me if you want to talk about it!
Cara,
I can honestly say that I was like you...I did not want my kids to go to daycare. Until I had Trey, I managed...but #3 meant I needed to go back to work. I think that you need to make the decision for yourself. Follow your heart, not the SW...she does not know Silas or you. Only you can decide what is best for your family. I will say there is a lot to be said for interaction with peers his own age in a structured environment. It can make life easier at home, not to mention make the transistion to school a little easier for all involved. If you want to talk, I am just an email/phone call away!
Hi Cara--
Tough call. I don't know that I can offer anything new. But I just say to go with your gut. You and Jason know better than any one what is best for you, for Silas, and for your family as a whole. As long as you have eveyone's best interests at heart, you don't have to feel guilt either way. NEITHER IS NECESSARILY A BAD CHOICE... YOU'RE JUST LOOKING FOR THE BEST OF THE TWO.
We are wrestling with a similar, but very different decision. Jen has taught our two oldest at home, but with Ben and Lily, she just has too much on her plate. We made the extremely difficult decision (for us) to put them in public school after Christmas break. We are also choosing not to follow ALL of the advice of specialists regarding her special need, because there are 2 schools of thought there. When we got copies of the medical records for the 6 month report, I found that one specialist didn't speak very glowingly of me as a parent, because I respected, but didn't necessarily agree with his opinion. It's tough out there!
Not that it matters, but I respect you and Jason either way!
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